Millionaire Man (Part Nine)

“It’s not every day that I meet someone like you,” Sam began, “someone who honest, hardworking, and loyal. For the last few years, I really thought I couldn’t find someone with all of that attached. But then a man by the name of Wilfred came into your pizza shop. Do you remember Wilfred?”

“No, I mean, there are lots of people who are regulars who used to come into the shop, but unless they had a credit card, I didn’t really ask their name or anything. It’s really none of my business. “

Sam laughed, “Well Wilfred has been known to change his name on people anyway, so good luck trying to figure him out. You stood out though, Wilfred and I were talking and he couldn’t stop talking about how friendly you were. “

“Well, I work in customer service, I have to be friendly.”

“But you see,” Sam said, “Wilfred never talks about anyone. He is known to talk politics, or even ideas, never gossip about some individual.”

I am not really sure what all of this had to do about my job, or the new proposition, but I was intrigued. Finally the money was coming into my new apartment, and I was feeling steady. Moreover this proposition was feeling more like a promotion, and I was all for that.

The pain of loss was less, and my stinging stain for approval was now filling the void that was once hurt. I felt like the more I did for Sam the more I felt acknowledged, and the less I needed to care about my own feelings. So, maybe with the help of Wilfred I could get closer to Sam.

Sam smiled as he saw the gears ticking in my brain. He knew he had me the second he assured me of a raise, more responsibility and a change from the everyday lull of work.

“Here are the directions, I want you to go see him, and talk with him. See if you two click.” Sam suggested.

“Wait what do you mean, click?” I said, “I’m not gay, well, not that I know of.” Sam leaned in to me and shuffled my hair. “Who said anything about gay, man, I got plans for you two. Consider it a domestic partnership.”

I was uninhibited at Sam’s reply, but I couldn’t let him down. After I printed off online directions, I left with diligence to Wilfred’s house. I was exuberant and determined to make yet another excellent impression as one of Sam’s favorite employee’s.

Pulling up to the green one story house and leaving all prejudices behind, I parked just inches from the curb in my Audi. Perfection was turning into a habit for me.

I walked up hastily to the door, with small bits of nervousness in me. It’s never been me to walk up to a stranger and get to know them. I’ve never been the kind of person that makes decisions like what I am doing right now. But I have been doing a lot of things I am not used to.

My knock on the door was no louder than the tap of a woodpecker, and still footsteps heard my call. The floor creaked as footprints muddled the old floor. I heard a cough and a sniffle as the footsteps approached. The door lock unlocked and the door opened quietly. The man in the shadow appeared gently.

Wilfred, alone in the cold darkness that was his home pulled his unconscious resistance, peering only to see me in his slit of view through the door. “Yes?” Wilfred mumbled. I could see his nervous exposure to a rare stranger visiting him, like the first day of school to a kindergartener.

“Mr. Wilfred? Sam sent me over…I’m Cory. “Wilfred looked at me slowly, then his eyes widened.

“From, from the pizza shop, like with the broken light on the sign?” Wilfred moved closer to me as the door widened. I looked at him smiling and nodding, only remembering the monogamy that was my life. Wilfred smiled back with excitement, opening his door to me.

“Come in come in! I can’t believe Sam found you!”

“What do you mean “found me?’” I said cautiously, taking a step back.

“Oh never mind that, come on in, come on in we have so much to talk about.”

Wilfred took me to the living room and had me sit at his green couch with stains on it. He was nervous, that’s for sure, but I wasn’t. His nervousness enabled my confidence immediately. I figured a guy this nervous has nothing going for him, which liberated my own insecurities. Wilfred walked into his kitchen, stumbling through old garbage spread across the ground. The home was covered with laundry and old garbage, lining the walls and countertops.

Soon enough, he returned with hot tea, and sat down across from me. The steam whisked away from the cup as Wilfred sipped his cup. The wrinkles from his face squeezed as the heat grazed his face. He was looking away like philosophical monk, and then turned back to me. I looked away, but kept him in my peripheral vision. He began to speak in codes, like a teacher trying to force his students to learn.

“In the heat of any moment, I find myself dazing over my life,” Wilfred started, “I was hoping I can find a solution or a cure to my loneliness. I feel like I find it when I am around my friends. But for some reason, I am still lost. Do you know what I mean or is this making no sense to you?”

I looked at Wilfred’s worn face, and smiled weakly in a tone of unsettling darkness looming over my nervousness. I pulled my thinking back to express his unhappiness in a realistic way.

“I understand being lonely I guess, “I said, “I guess I never looked for a cure or solution to it though. I always thought that if you persisted at life, you could get anything you wanted.”

Wilfred paused, for he was looking for some rhetoric answer, not some realistic response to his Buddha philosophy, even if I tried to even out his own wit. Instead, in a way I stifled his way of bragging about his own intelligence. Wilfred put his cup down and leaned back. He smiled for a moment and stared back at me.

“I like you,” He said, almost blushing, yet his aggravation was still showing. He looked down for a moment to restrain his own emotions, and then smiled at the thought of my efforts.

“So, you like working for Sam?” Wilfred continued, sipping his hot tea, gently pursing his lips to the tip of the cup. I awkwardly looked back for a moment, but continued.

“I do, I really do. He has been a father to me since I met him,” I sighed, looking back at the last couple months, “He has been very generous, and I still can’t believe everything he has done for me. He has me a car, a stable income, hell I feel dependent on him even for my happiness. I don’t know if you can understand that, but I don’t know where I would be without him.”

“Well Sam, is known to be a provider, that’s for sure. I remember first meeting him. That man had a way about himself, the way he always was the first to buy the beers, the first to be there when someone was in need, but it wasn’t real. I learned that way too late, and now look at me,” Wilfred looked down, laughing at his potbelly and overgrown whiskers. His eyes grew more concentration as he stared at me, “ I would be careful of him. I can’t imagine why he is putting so much effort into getting your attention and approval, but knowing him, we will find out soon enough.”

Wilfred began to daze away from our conversation soon after and soon enough fell asleep after his tea. I kept the TV on, as I let myself out. Wilfred didn’t look healthy, yet at the same time, I had trouble believing what he said about Sam. Sam was more than a friend, he was family. I wanted, I needed to feel secure for once, and this was not helping. My only hope was that Wilfred was losing himself, and I wasn’t losing my support.

Hurting Bite

I can't sleep....but I'm drifting...
I'm drifting from life, from fears from hope and back into my wonder world of distance.
I can't stop hurting, and I know its tearing me apart...
I keep seeing myself in a different paradise, but lose what can be from my own scheme's and dillusions...

I can't find what I am looking for yet I still keep searching, tricking myself, seducing myself and manipulating myself into believing there is a better me out there...

A man who isn't still angry, and betrayed and heartbrokern...
A man who isn't always the strong one, or the one that people can depend on.
A man who isn't cold when he lays in bed...

I have to believe there is a better me out there...

Millionaire Man Part Eight

Millionaire Man
Part 8
My dream of my mother was so much more real the night after my new job started. She was sitting on the couch of my old musty apartment humming. The humming echoed through my brain as I quietly kept watching her. As I walked to her, I could see her leaning over thumbing through an old photo album. She looked up for a moment as if reliving a picture in her head, and then back to the album.
“Mom,” I said. My mother continued to hum, and chuckle at each picture she saw. I sat down next to her, as a poof of dust swirled from my cushion impact. My mother leaned over to me and pointed at a picture. I could smell the cookies off her breath as she told her background story of the picture.
“I can’t help looking at this picture and laughing. You had no Idea that I had been watching you. Oh my lord, look at you in your superman underwear reaching for the game board. Oh I miss this, I miss you.”
I smiled and my mother. I didn’t ask questions, nor did I try to take anything away from the moment we were having. Instead, I sat close to my mother as she continued to spill childhood secrets to me with every picture.
As my mother closed the photo album, I looked down and stared at my mother’s shaking hands. I looked at her smile of serenity once more before seeing the pain that only hid beneath the shadows. I was losing her again. Her face turned pail and her hands were shaking harder than ever before. I reached for her hand, but he hand turned to dust with my touch. I screamed at the sight of the missing limb, only to desperately lunge for my mother. Sadly, my weight only turned her image into thousands of little particles hovering over the couch and heading toward the sunlight.
“Wake up baby, and let go of me, damn it,” She echoed as I sat on my once occupied couch. I stared again at the empty space and feelings that lingered. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and felt the tear run down. I won’t let go of my mother if she forces me to. I screamed one more time hearing only the ringing of my ears. All of a sudden a cold hand touched my cheek. Droplets of water fell from the roof of the apartment in my dream.
A voice kept saying “God I’m so sorry,” over and over, and I didn’t recognize the voice. It reminded me of my mother, but it was raspy once again. It was Amanda’s Voice once again. I woke once, with tears pouring from my eyes and Amanda holding my hand and crying. I reached up and wiped her misery from her eyes. She was lost in my own filth of distain of what I would call my pain.
I got up to leave, but Amanda wouldn’t let go of my hand.
“Let go,” I said calmly. Amanda stayed fixated on my and, pulling my arm closer and tightening her grip. I repeated myself again, only to be ignored again.
“Amanda,” I said, “It’s going to be ok.” Amanda looked at me with her eyes full of pain and irritation. She indignantly looked at me, and for a moment, she stopped crying. I stared at her in residual distance and uncertainty. Her eyes glazed with affection, and hand warmed with sincerity. Amanda leaned in with a tear still falling in her eye, and pursed her lips. I leaned back, avoided her lips. Amanda continued to move forward with little let up. So I took the palm of my hand, leaving her lips to taste the sweat of my hand. Amanda opened her eyes, leaving her in shock and my reaction to her. Her reaction was as if I had hit her with an unsavory reality.
“You act like you know me , but you don’t,” I grunted, “Whatever you’re thinking about me, or felt about me changing, you’re wrong. So stop crying and get a grip.”
I got up and walked out of the room, while Amanda sat still stoned from frustration and embarrassment.

I knew I was an asshole, and people like me don’t change, no matter how nice you are to them. We believe we matter more than anyone else and that is that. I feel sorry for a lot of people, especially the ones that try. Nonetheless, as much as I would like to hold on to hope that Amanda would accept me, even with the flaws, I can only pray I die before I figure it out.

The next morning, I got up to the smell of bacon and waffles cooking. It was the best thing to wake up to in the morning. The smell of searing bacon woke up me up. Last night I had managed to make it back to my room, and back to bed. As I walked down the hallway to the kitchen, I could see Amanda in front of the stove. She looked at me in a friendly, waitress-like tone.
“Hey Punk!” she smiled, “Hungry?”

I raised my eyebrows and shrugged my shoulders, “Sure.” I watched Amanda as she flipped the bacon. There was pain in her eyes, that much was clear. But it was overshadowed by the implicit determination to avoid the pain I had spun last night. As the sound of a waffle landed on my plate, I couldn’t help but stare in Amanda’s eyes. She was going out of her way to be nice, and I was taking advantage of it.

“Why are you being nice to me?” I finally said, “I mean I rejected you last night and this morning you’re cooking me breakfast as if nothing happened last night.”
“Well nothing DID happen,” Amanda replied, “So eat your waffle, it’s getting cold.”
“No,” I taunted, “First tell me why you haven’t said anything about last night, then I will eat.”
“Last night was a mistake, and I am already tired of bringing it up.” Amanda shrugged, “Look, the only thing Jesse and I came here to do was to make sure you don’t off yourself, that’s it. Everything else doesn’t matter. So if I have to hand feed you your waffle, I will. Just eat your food and shut the hell up.”
I could see why Amanda was dying for me to try her cooking. Her food was delicious, even without the pot cooked in it. She knew the right amount of spices and just the right sugar to put on the waffle. Some people make waffles so good that you can eat them without getting a stomachache before you’re done.

Weeks became only a couple months working for Sam. He was honest respectful, a little flirty, but extremely professional. I couldn’t wait to wake up in the morning to get to work and make the big bucks. My salary had tripled within only weeks, accommodating almost all my needs. Money became an agitating reminder that my mother wasn’t around. She would have been so proud seeing it flow like a river in a small forest. She would have hugged me so tight that I would have to push her away just to breathe. All in all, she would have wanted me to be happy, and that exactly what money was doing for me. Still, I refused to leave my broken down apartment, no matter how much money I made. I couldn’t lose any memory of my mother. Instead, when the apartment complex decided to turn there building into renovated condos, I couldn’t help but throw my name into the ticket to own my new condo.
Sam had already given me so much, and will very little responsibility in return. But that all changed one late, Friday afternoon, when Sam had reached yet another proposition…

I'm Losing Myself- Aaron Gregory Austin

I’m losing myself…

I’m losing myself, but I know I'll find it,

Last time I had me, I was confident, stable and happy,

I’m losing myself, but I know I'll find it,

Last time I had me, I was holding him and he was holding me,

I’m losing myself, but I know I'll find it,

It just takes a deep breath of this painful air, and a swallow of good energy.

I’m losing myself, but I know you will find it,

Last time, you did, and I cried, because I missed being me.

-Aaron Gregory Austin

LIES-Aaron Gregory Austin

LIES-

I am looking at the world through a clear window.

I see only with the clarity of what I can see through it.

I wipe the tear I once held in…

I whisper, “It’s going to be ok, it’s going to be ok.”

I know its not, but lying is key in denial

This window is all I have left of him, that and memories.

“It’s going to be a great day” I whisper.

I know its not going to be, but lying is key in denial

A Ping Pong Ball drops from the counter.

Why am I remembering this, I am not ready to forgive

I am not ready to let go of my pain.

I am not ready to leave this hell that was built by him and I

Goodbye memories, Goodbye Shame, Goodbye Guilt, and

Goodbye to you for letting me go, and choosing someone

Who isn’t family.

Lying is key in denial.

Goodbye Dad.

Millionaire Man-Part Seven

Sam looked back with resent. He looked out his window for a moment. I could see his heart was somehow broken, for he was absolutely sure such a proposition required little or no thinking.

I knew he wanted my answer but I wasn’t ready to give it. Fuck him and anyone else trying to tell me how to run my life. I don’t care if you’re trying to help.

“Ill give you until tonight,” Sam said, looking back at me, “I could give this to anyone, and I thought you were the one worthy of this. I hope you prove that to me tomorrow.”

“Look Sam, I just want a night to be able to think about it, that’s all. Just let me have that ok?” I said, while trying to quiet the desperation in my voice. Sam stayed silent for a moment and sighed. He could see my plea as a humble request, not a power play. He smiled at me and nodded.

I left the office moist and unbalanced. I was going to take the job, I already knew that, but my gut was telling me not to, and I wanted to process through it. As much as the proposition was amazing, it was hard to ignore that unsettling reality I felt in my gut.

My mind stayed clouded on the way home, but at this point, I had no choice. So why draw it out?

When I got home I called Sam and let him know I was in. “Excellent, I am really happy you are. Now your dreams are going to come true. You are never going to have to worry about anything from now on,” Sam said, “So I will see you at 8:30am.”

“Ok,” I mumbled. “See you then.” My gut tightened as I hung up my phone. Good things can happen to me right? I mean I am not the only person in this world to have to struggle or not be happy. Wasn’t the sacrifice of my mother enough?

As I shut off my phone, Amanda and Jessie, once again were lazing around my apartment playing scrabble. I shut the door quietly in front of them, and tried to walk away from them, but there was no getting around the two stoners. As much as Amanda smoked, it was amazing how alert she was. Scrabble was a piece of cake, and there senses were more alert then when they were sober. As they stared intently at the board, Amanda stopped me with one hand, while still keeping her eyes on her game, and said, “Cory, help me with this will you.?” I looked back frozen and quiet, like deer in headlights. Amanda looked up impatiently for me to join her.

“What’s the matter, no one ever ask you for help punk?”

“No not really.” I mumbled. Amanda continued to stare at me until I finally obliged. I looked over her shoulder, and stared at the stale board. Words flipped through my head like and old phone book, connecting words that didn’t make sense and some that were too short to be worth saying. Amanda looked up at me impatiently waiting for deliverance.

“Zookeeper,” I whispered.

“No! That’s two words,” Amanda shrieked. I laughed, “Oh well, Jesse probably won’t even notice.” Amanda paused for a moment, sinking the idea in her head. She looked at Jesse, then at the board. Her sly smile only got bigger the more tiles she laid down. I giggled at the last letter, trying to hold it together for Amanda. She looked back and elbowed me in the stomach as a warning to me to keep quiet. I held my hand against my mouth, holding the flood of laugher with little or no result.

“There!” Amanda said happily. Jesse looked down, with very little movement, and smiled slowly. Amanda waited for opposition to start, clinching her hands and breathing softly.

“Ha!” Jesse chirped, “Why didn’t I think of that?” Amanda and I rolled on the floor laughing. Jesse shrugged, and took a deep breath into his joint.

For the first time in my life, I felt a calm I have never felt before. Like I could feel stable for a second, and smile without seeing the world cave in on me. For just this moment, I could sponge every moment and keep it with my conscience. Amanda looked at me, as if looking into my soul. Her eyes shined, for she could see what she loved about me. I smiled back shyly.

The next morning I couldn’t wait to start my new job. “Good bye fingers that smelled like pasta sauce, hello ink toner smell!” I said to myself.

As I opened the door, I heard a voice from my room scream “Have a good day at work.”

“Thanks Amanda,” I smiled. It felt so good to hear her voice.

I drove up to the building labeled EAB, leaving me with a wave of excitement. The second I walked into this building, I knew this was going to be a pivotal point in my life. I knew that this would stabilize my life, and even better, give me a purpose. Mom would be proud, I know it. The door opened with a beep and a chime, like a mom and pop grocery store would, then shut slowly like a high tech automatic door.

Stacy woke from her trance from the phones and reached out to shake my hand.

“Welcome Aboard! Let me show you to your new office. Follow me.”

Stacy led me to a hallway, narrow and long, and uninviting. As we moved closer to my office, my anxiety only built, foaming though my skin.

“Here you are,” Stacy smiled with an empathetic tone. As I opened the door and sat down in front of my dark mahogany desk and leather plush chair, my breathing settled for a moment. For that moment the room was silent, a sound I had not felt before. My mind was at ease, and my heart was calm. There was no sound, and unfamiliar. I could hear the sound of the hum of the computer that sat in front of me and air conditioning left a rocky bumping noise. For once I could hear my hear breathing.

It didn’t take long for my new boss Sam to wake this trance of calm.

“Hey, hey, so what do you think of your new office?” Sam’s cheerful grin was magnetic. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I just got here. The office is nice, although I have no Idea why I am here except I guess to keep this seat warm.”

“Cory you’re here to make your dreams come true. I want to see you become bigger then you have ever imagined.

“Well I can imagine pretty big things.”

“It will come to you, everything you have every dreamed of.” Sam’s patted the back my chair, and paused to see the view from my office. He put his fists on his side, like a superhero then looks back at me.

“Your probably wondering why you are here.” Sam shifted his body to look at me. I tapped on my new desk with my fingers. I was frustrated, as Sam continued to draw out the conversation. I waved at him with persistence.

“Ok so I want you to start running my errands, taking care of my dog, and planning things like this. I used to have someone do this for me, but someone referred me to you, and well I trust this person more then anything. So, the first thing I want you to do is take the company car, and drive it to the grocery store. I need five pizzas, 3 bottles of the cheapest soda you can find, and one cake of your choice. I don’t eat this, so it’s not going to matter what you get. See you back here in an hour.

Driving in an Audi a4 was the most amazing feeling in the world. The seats felt like leather recliners and the car drove smoother then anything I had every driven. I could definitely get used to this.

It took forty five minutes to get what Sam was looking for. As I walked into the office once again, with pizza in hand, and soda, my search for a table began. Stacy saw my struggle and ran over to help.

“So the meeting is in 4a. I need you to take them in there. Here I’ll help you take these.

I walked down the hallway, checking out each door and reciting the label as I past it.

“3a... 3b…, 3c…, 4a, there we go.” I mumble to myself. I opened the door and to my surprise, Sam and the entire staff of his office applauding my arrival. I looked at everyone shyly.

”I didn’t know pizza, was so exciting, your welcome.”

The staff giggled while Sam stood up to welcome me. “Cory, come on in. Thank you for joining our team, and thank you for getting the pizzas. We decided since this was your first day, you would need a proper welcoming.” As I gazed at all the smiling faces, I couldn’t help but realize where I was. It felt like a very out of body experience, and I was beginning to like feeling good all the time.

My struggle for stability already seemed to be a reality. With the help of Sam, I knew my life was boundless.

Is this real?

Trust Your Friends.AVI

Adrienne King at the Innocent's Wrap Party.AVI

Jason Hawkins at the Innocent Wrap Party.AVI

Movie Review: I Am Number Four

(2011 Dreamworks)

Review

Acting: I am number 4 was casted perfectly from the extras to the supporting

and principle cast. Alex Pettyfer was superb, even when the script was lacking. He took some of the scripts campy scenes and made them feel like it was from him. The "bad guys" is this film were creepy, and tauting. They made my skin crawl. Alex and all the cast worked with a somewhat difficult script and made you believe in Aliens. A

Cinematography: This movie doesn't fall short at all when it comes from the cinematography. The landscapes are beautiful, the camera shots are perfect, and your there. The special effects aren't campy but exciting and I continued to be moved by the way the camera positioned itself. Without losing you you can feel like you are flying, or dodging a blow from an enemy. A+

Entertainment: The one thing I really liked about "4" is the fact that its not afraid to play the staple of a teen movie. The good news it that they make it better. From the nerd, to the "damsel in distress," this teen action movie is great in almost every way. This movie plays like a superhero genre with a pinch of "Twilight," but better. I found myself engulfed in the story, and the characters. I didn't want the movie to end. A+

Script: Is this movie better then the teen sensation saga "Twilight?" YES. Is it still a teen story with corny lines that we are supposed to brush off? YES. As much as I wanted to love the creative script, I didn't. The romantic scenes had horrible corny lines, and when your looking for relief from the romance, we can thankfully see the actors pulling off one of the best romantic chemistry from any teen movie I have ever seen. Nonetheless, if i had the choice to have a Twilight Poster up on my wall, or a "Number 4" poster, hands down Number Four. The script is ten times better then twilight, the acting, entertainment, and overall movie is amazing and worth seeing. B

OVERALL GRADE: A-

Market Yourself!

The Beach!!!!

Don't Give Up!

Table Read for the Independent Film "Interviews with Aunt Gabby"-Directe...

At The Under4Men VIP show

The Under4Men Show, about to start!

Getting Ready for VIP Show for Under4Men.AVI

The First Blog Post!

My Oscar Predictions: 2011

Well its that time of year, its the year where we watch rich people win awards and brag about! Yah!!!!

Nonetheless, Since I have picked on most of the movies of 2010, I figured, "Lets throw my crazy ass critic opinion into the prediction table for the movies." So while I like to have an opinion, I feel only to have a prediction for where it is due. So Without further distraction...My Predictions are as follows...

Best Original Screenplay Nominees: Mike Leigh for "Another Year," Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy and Eric Johnson for "The Fighter," Christopher Nolan for "Inception," Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumerg for "The Kids Are All Right."

My Prediction: I loved most of the movies on this list but "Inception" will take the Oscar home. You know as much as we relate to the script, no one can out due Christopher Nolan's genius with a cop/robber movie with a completely different spin to it. I am still to this day boggled from the manipulation this alienated script made me feel.

Best Adapted Screenplay Nominees: Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy for "127 hours," Aaron Sorkin for "The Social Network," John Lasseter, Andrew Standton and Lee Unkrich for "Toy Story 3," Joel Coen and Ethan Coen for "True Grit," Debra Granik and Anne Rosellini for "Winter's Bone."

My Prediction: As much as i would love "Toy Story 3" to win this one, I know that "The Social Network" is the favorite and more then likely going to be the victor in this round. The script is flawless, beside the fact that they are talking about complex ideas and assuming we know what they are talking about. It was smooth and adapted better then any of its contenders.

Best Cinematography Nominees: Matthew Libatique for "Black Swan," Wally Pfister for "Inception," Danny Cohen for "The Kings Speech," Jeff Cronenweth for "The Social Network," Roger Deakins for "True Grit."

My Prediction: This falls down to a matter of favorite and who really deserves it. Honestly its a close call but I am going to faithfully stand by who deserves the award and thats Wally Pfister for "Inception." To create such beautiful movements with story and still be able to pull off such an amazing movie is all but incredible. You take the idea of putting an audience in a dream of a dream and still be able to follow the movie, well hats off to you.

Best Animated Feature Film Nominees: "How to Train Your Dragon," "Illusionist," "Toy Story 3."

My Prediction: I absolutely loved these movies. I would root for How to train your dragon in a heart beat, but Toy Story 3 was moving, funny and original, even after 2 movies and deserves the oscar.

Best Supporting Actor Nominees: Christian Bale for "The Fighter," John Hawkes for "Winter's Bone," Jeremy Renner for "The Town," Mark Ruffalo for "The Kids are all Right," Geoffrey Rush for "The King's Speech,"

My Prediction: Do I have to pick one? I loved Mark Ruffalo and Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner gave me chills seeing him on film, and Mark Ruffalo made me want to hate him throughout his performance. But in all honestly, the best performance go to Geoffrey Rush, for he truly deserves it. I'm throwing my ticket in for him.

Best Supporting Actress Nominees: Amy Adams FOR "The Fighter," Helena Bonham Carter for "The King's Speech," Melissa Leo for "The Fighter," Hailee Steinfeld for "True Grit," Jacki Weaver for "Animal Kingdom."

My Prediction: I love Amy Adams, and her role in the fighter was very well done, but I am predicting the Oscar going to Melissa Leo for her role as the controlling mother in "The Fighter." She is crass, stubborn, yet frail. I loved her performance and I am putting my nod to her.

Best Actor Nominees: Javier Bardem for "Biutiful," Jeff Bridges for "True Grit," Jesse Eisenberg for "The Social Network," Colin Firth for "The King's Speech," and James Franco for "127 Hours."

My Prediction: My two favorite performances were noted in this category and I am glad that the acadamy recognized this: Jesse Eisenberg and Colin Firth. Both Phenomenal Actors. On that note, all hail a true King, for Colin Firth nailed this part. He incorporated witty, short tempered, yet broken all in the same act and was perfected. Thank you for still being so amazing Colin!

Best Actress Nominations: Annette Bening for "The Kids are all Right," Nicole Kidman for "Rabbit Hole," Jennifer Lawrence for "Winter's Bone," Natalie Portman for "Black Swan," and Michelle Williams for "Blue Valentine."

My Prediction: Again, Annette Bening is one of my favorite actresses and I will continue to love her work, but Natalie is taking Oscar home this year. Of all the performances I have seen this year, nothing stunned,moved and intensified my experience like Natalie Portman. Well done!

Best Director Nominations: Darren Aronofsky for "Black Swan," David O. Russell for "The Fighter," Tom Hopper for "The King's Speech," David Fincher for "The Social Network," and Joel and Ethan Coen for "True Grit."

My Prediction: Who Deserves it? Darren Aronofsky, but knowing the trends, David Fincher will win it. Where is Christopher Nolan? Anyone?

Best Picture Nominations: "Black Swan," "The Fighter," "Inception," "The Kids Are All Right," "The King's Speech," "127 Hours," "The Social Network," "Toy Story 3," "True Grit," "Winter's Bone."

My Prediction: This is a tough choice. Both "The King's Speech" and "Inception," both deserve it, but "The Social Network," is the favorite. With that said, "The Social Network," will win Best picture and a devastating blow to the two movies that deserved it.

MOVIE REVIEW: NO STRINGS ATTACHED

(2011 Paramount Pictures)

Review

Acting: There Are always certain actors that either don't try, or are really that good at acting. With Ashton Kutcher, for some reason this guy can make any dialogue turn into pudding and go down smoothly. As much as i am tired of him not taking risks for his acting, I can hate his performance, because it worked for him.

Natalie Portman on the other hand has come a long way from "Star Wars: Phantom Menace." She is the heart and beat of this movie when it comes to acting. At first, I saw her as more of a sweet, less slutty girl. But the more I watched the more convinced she could pull it off. She is spunky, and was casted perfectly. I couldn't stop laughing with her performance. She will continue to be an actress more going forward. B+

Cinematography: Well what can you say about the cinematography? The colors are mediocre, and with a romantic comedy its not really the point. The acting and script go to the forefront of the story. So this had nothing special to it, and nothing you hadn't seen before. B

Entertainment: Romantic Comedies in a lot of ways have the very same similar template. So the Challenge for film makers, amidst other rules, is to make this genre more interesting based on its entertainment, actors and the script. Nonetheless, This movie is worth the inflated price of the movie. I was laughing throughout the movie. The entertainment was good, and as much as i wanted to not laugh, and continue to judge, i couldn't help but soak in the comedy. The jokes weren't campy, but necessary and comfortable. This was a well thought out movie and worth the money to see. A-

SCRIPT: Its hard to take a romantic comedy and say this script was original, but it wasn't. There are many movies that have taped into this idea and there will be even more movies coming out in the future, "Strings" just beat most of them to the punch. Moreover, the script was entertaining, and did keep my interest. We can look at this movie as a fun, light hearted movie, with comedic originality. B+

OVERALL GRADE:

B+

MOVIE REVIEW: LITTLE FOCKERS

(2010 UNIVERSAL PICTURES)

REVIEW

ACTING: Where do I start with a franchise, that for some reason is still getting money to make the franchise. The acting was mediocre and emotional less. Jessica Alba drove me nuts. I cringed every time she showed up on screen. I wanted to scream. Robert DeNiro's one toned acting chops was entertaining for ten minutes, and then i was done.. Ben Stiller transitioned in the movie as a tough character, then changed completely like a bipolar individual. Ben Stiller wasn't consistent or made any sense to the story or the acting. Dustin Hoffman was thankfully still in the movie, who's comedic timing was perfect. I loved Barbara Streisand and Owen Wilson were just as hilarious.-C

CINEMATOGRAPHY: There is nothing unique about this movie. It was truly a movie you have seen over and over and over and unfortunately "Fockers," doesn't try to hide it. It was worse then a bad TV episode.-D-

ENTERTAINMENT: This movie wasn't entertaining. The jokes aren't unique and the same jokes used in the last two movies were used in this movie. So watch the first "Meet the Parents." You will be more entertained then. Thank goodness, Owen Wilson, Barbara Streisand, and Dustin Hoffman, because the jokes they made were still hilarious.-D-

SCRIPT: Two Words: Very Lame. This movie was boring, predictable and i couldn't wait for this film to finish. Meet the Parents was ok, Meet the Fockers was better, but this movie wasn't worth the money it made. I wonder why this movie is still in theaters.F+

OVERALL GRADE: D

RECOMMEND: REGIFT

MOVIE REVIEW: COUNTRY STRONG

(2011 Sony Pictures)

REVIEW

ACTING: Don't every doubt the gorgeous Gwyneth Paltrow when it comes to acting. The woman will always know what she is doing. I lost myself watching her play a troubled country icon. G.P. kept me focused on her the whole time. I do want to note though, I did feel that she came off one note after awhile, due to the desperation in the story. I do believe though that it wasn't the actors fault. Tim Mcgraw wasn't my favorite on the other hand. The man could have done more to the character of a controlling husband and manager, and only surfaced the character. The supporting cast was brilliant and nailed their parts. ACTING GRADE: A-

CINEMATOGRAPHY: When I see a movie, I want to seen a director use the most of their camera and scene. I felt that the director did. When the performances were filmed i felt i was in the bar, or in the concert. From the hotel rooms in the colors, to the landscapes of touring, i was pleasantly surprised with this films technique with the cinematography. The only real issue i had with it, is there was a lot of redundancy with the same camera angles. CINEMATOGRAPHY GRADE: A-

ENTERTAINMENT: This movie truly shows the life some lead in the entertainment industry. Drugs, alcohol and lust for more fame can affect anyone the way people in this movie did. As much as this movie did move me, the entertainment factor was dampened due to the tone of the movie. I was begging for something that would make me feel better about the characters situation, yet the theme stayed the same. ENTERTAINMENT: B-

SCRIPT: The script was phenomenal when it came to the dialogue, the plot, and the pace. To see someone reaching to please so many people at once truly told an identifiable story to many. Gwen translated the script perfect, and the struggle for the country icons serenity was worth the telling. This is definitely not one to miss. SCRIPT GRADE: A+

OVERALL GRADE: A-

RECOMMENDATION: THEATER

MOVIE REVIEW: THE FIGHTER

(2010 Paramount Pictures)

REVIEW

ACTING: The Fighter is based on a real life fighter Mickey Ward and his older brother Dickie Eklund. Dickie is a troubled man who struggles with addiction and a loss of a career. Christian Bale played Dickie perfectly and represented the character with ease. Mark Walberg also pulled off Mickey Ward like it was second nature for him. I could believe that Mark walberg was a man desperate to find some footing in life. Costars alike kept up with the two leads as well. Amy Adams played a very unfailing, yet vulnerable love interest of Mickey Ward, which was refreshing to see her in such a dominate part. -ACTING GRADE: A+

CINEMATOGRAPHY: To take a small town scene, and crowd of screaming fans, and make the audience feel like they can feel the desperation of the main actor, and the grit of a prison cell, take some amazing cinematography. I believe Fighter did everything it was meant to do and more, from the blood in the ring, it was as if i was wiping the sweat from the camera to keep up with the fight. I was on the edge of my seat to see Mark Walberg fight for his life. Granted, acting does play a big part in belief, but so does this category.-CINEMATOGRAPHY GRADE: A+

ENTERTAINMENT: I know a lot of my readers are going to be happy that I am putting this category out here, one because a lot of the time the fight between a good movie is its entertainment value. The Fighter was more then entertainment. I was glued to the screen for the most of the movie. I was enveloped by the individuality of each characters personality, and this made the film very entertaining. Moreover, this doesn't mention that fact that the fighting scened were breathtaking. ENTERTAINMENT GRADE:A

SCRIPT: One of the biggest elements in a movie that can ruin it is the script,the plot, the pace and the dialogue. It can turn us off, or move us. It didn't take me long to fall in love with this script. The nice part of the script is the writer didn't make the fighting the only element that contributed to the life of the story. With any good movie there are a multitude of things that make the movie success, and rightly Fighter was successful with this. SCRIPT GRADE: A+

OVERALL GRADE:A+

RECOMMENDED: THEATERS

CHANGES TO THE WAY I REVIEW THE MOVIES

Thanks again for all of your support! You comments motivate me to keep it up. Since its a new year, The way i review movies are going to change. A movie will be critiqued in 5 different categories: Acting, Cinematography, Entertainment, Script, and Overall Movie. At the end of my reviews, you can still go to the end and see the Grade and whether it should be rented, trashed, re gifted, or if its worth seeing in theaters. Finally, the last change is that I will post the trailer of the movie on my review.

Thanks again for understanding! Check out the next two films I am reviewing: THE FIGHTER and COUNTRY STRONG.

Millionaire Man: Part Six

(For All you new subscribers: P.S. Thank You, I write short stories and post them on my blog along with any movie reviews. Thanks for you support!)

Millionaire Man- Part Six-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“A Proposition huh?” I said in hesitation. The man smiled as he opened his book of appointments.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” He said. I stared blankly, shrugging my shoulders.

“Well I work tomorrow.”

The man laughed. “Nope, you’re coming to my office tomorrow and we are going to have a meeting about your future. I am going to change your life.” I looked at the man for a second in silence. I didn’t know what to think of the stranger. I wanted to act like his few words didn’t make me feel like he was a glimmer of hope for me, but in reality, anything someone said to me was relief. I wanted to believe him, but the way I saw it, nothing that has been good in my life has stayed, so why get worked up in frenzy for no reason.

“Whoa, Whoa, Whoa,” I said. “Look Mr., Last time I just let someone tell me what to do, I lost all control of my life. Hell they’re still at my apartment.”

“Trust me, come tomorrow, you won’t regret it.” The man smiled, “By the way I’m Sam.”

“I’m Cory.”

My shift was over, finally. After the encounter with Sam, I wanted to get home. My mind wasn’t anywhere it should be. I was thinking about killing myself again and leave this world. My mouth felt stale, and my heart was empty. The road to nowhere was beginning to fill itself, and I wanted to avoid it. I didn’t want to know my future. I was going to end my life, and that was that. Well, that was the dream at the moment. At least then I could see my mom again.

My insecurity for the situation lingered as I pulled up to my apartment. I sighed deeply as I kept my glazed eyes fixed on the outside of my car. The smell of a skunk flowed into my car, distracting my daze. I looked up at my apartment window, seeing it partially opened. A steam of smoke slowly seeped out the window, with a tempting movement. Jessie and Amanda were unfortunately still at my place. I cursed at the sky, since the man upstairs didn’t remove the infested visitors still in my home. “What do you want from me?” I said looking up.

As I unlocked the door, the dusty apartment smelled like pot and chocolate. Jessie was thumbing through one of my photo albums, while Amanda was making something in the kitchen. I shut the door quietly, hoping to avoid any unwanted attention. It didn’t take long for Amanda to notice me creeping passed her. She rolled her eyes and yelled over the boiling water, “Looks like depression came back.”

“Nice to see you too freeloader,” I hissed, “What are you making?”

“Brownies!” Amanda giggled. I grunted my way to my room, mumbling profanities under my breath. Amanda, charmed said: “Night Punk, See you soon.”

I laid in bed, closing my burning eyes and spinning head, and then fell asleep. My obsession with trying to get my mother back from the dead continued to stay with me, but only in my dreams. This time I was sitting in a car, speeding across the beach. The top was down while the sand spun between the tires. I kept driving, but my eyes were looking toward the ocean as the waves pushed and pulled the wind. Its power overwhelmed me. I could hear echoes draw me to the lighthouse at the far end of the beach. I slid to a halt in front of the lighthouse, when I noticed a shadow domesticating the top of the lighthouse. Could it be who I think it is? The echoes got louder. I got out of the car and opened the door to the lighthouse, climbing to the top with exertion and every breath I had in my system.

The voice kept saying, “you’re not ready,” like they already knew my plans of leaving this world. When I got to the top of the lighthouse, the shadow was gone. I looked outside and saw the shadow looking up at me. I continued to hear, “You’re not ready.”

“But why,” I cried, “I can’t do this anymore. I have no friends, no life and no family. Why do I need to be here?”

“Wake up honey,” She said, “There is love all around you.” I could recognize the voice. It was my mother and she was reaching out to me again. The shadow began to walk into the water, though she never lost my eye contact.

“Wake up, Wake up…” As she immersed herself into the water, I called out to her. I hit the glass of the lighthouse in desperation, calling her name, with no avail. My voice couldn’t reach her. It was as if the lighthouse was my prison and my unholy sanctuary.

“Wake up DAMN IT.” The voice was no longer, my mother, but Amanda, waking me up. I woke up, shaken from the intensity of my dream. I looked up at Amanda. I saw her hand was holding my wrist tight, while the other wrist she was trying to grab with gauze. Her hand was filled with wrapping and blood. I looked down, only to see my injured wrist reopened and cut. Blood and sweat covered my arm and body.

“I have to rewrap this punk, stop moving.” Amanda’s calm but stern hand took my wrist and wiped it down with a wash cloth, cleaning it the best that should could. I looked up to her calmly. I was grateful for once of her help. Her hand was warm, and it felt good to be touched. I took her hand, and kissed her arm.

“Thank you,” I said with deep sincerity in my eyes. Amanda stopped for a moment to gage my true meaning to my statement, and smiled, “Your welcome.”

I fell into a very calm sleep, on the floor with Jessie and Amanda that night.

The next morning, I woke up and looked at Amanda and Jessie. They both slept in calm soothing breaths and peaceful. As I got ready to meet Sam, I could tell my opinion of them was changing. As I drove to Sam’s office, I looked at my bandaged wrist and smiled. Maybe my dream meant more then chasing my mothers fading memory. Maybe people do care about if I am going to be living or not. I left my emotions in the car and walked up to the exuberant receptionist at the front desk of Sam’s office. The receptionist was way too excited to be a secretary.

“Good Morning!” She happily sang.

“Hi, I’m looking for Sam,” I mumbled.

“You must be Cory?” the receptionist said.

“Yea,” I hummed.

“Oh good, he is expecting you.” The receptionist looked down at her watch as she got up, “Oh and your early, that’s great, Sam loves that. Why don’t you follow me to his office?”

We walked down a long, narrow hallway that led to a black door titled: “Sam Sullivan.”

“Mr. Sullivan, someone is here to see you, Cory.” The Receptionist respectfully announced while slowly peering into Sam’s office.

“Excellent, thank you Stacy.” He replied. I walked in, and waved shyly. “Cory, its good to see you, come sit down. Close the door behind you.” I shut the door and sat down in front of the man who believed he could save my life and future. I was completely engaged before Sam said anything.

“So, I’m sure you are wondering why I called you.” He smiled, “Well, one of the reasons is that you are a hard worker and smart individual. I feel like I can really benefit from your talents. They are wasted at a local pizza shop.” Sam paused for a moment, and then sighed before continuing, “Can I be frank with you Cory?”

I looked down for a moment then back at Sam, “Sure.”

Sam stood up, and looked at me, “I have been watching you for the past couple weeks and frankly you seem miserable. Not just miserable though, you seem like you’re done with life in general and well I can’t let you do anything stupid. I am going to make your life better.”

“How could you make it any better?” I sarcastically taunted.

“I am going to prove it to you. Ill do it right now. Name your dream car right now.”

I looked back discombobulated. “What? Why?”

“Just Trust me Cory.” He said in a confident condescending tone. I rolled my eyes, but closed my eyes, trying to think of my favorite car. I’ve always wanted an Audi A4, I thought to myself. I loved the way the car glimmered in the sunlight in the pictures. Its tantalizing appeal made my eyes glow.

“A4, Audi.” I mumbled.

“Done, I can get it to you in two days,” Sam said, “Anything Else?”

“What do you mean anything else?” I said in shocked. I felt like I just won the lottery, and he wanted to know if I wanted something else? My excitement was hard to control.

“You name it; I can give it to you. You want a vacation? I can give it to you. Do you want a house? I’ll have one for you by the end of the week. When I mean you can have anything, you can have anything. All I ask is that you work for me.”

I sat back in frozen silence. As my mind left my frozen body, I began to daydream. I saw fortune of plenty surrounding my life, like waves of money carrying me to my dream home in Paris, France. My dream faded, with the realization of the invisible obligation Sam hadn’t stated implying yet. I took a deep breath out of my dream and jumped back to reality. I let go of my excitement for moment, and stared straight into Sam’s eyes.

“So, what is expected from me?” I said in anticipation of the minimal work. I didn’t want to work hard since working hard produced little or no results. So why work for it, Fuck Life.

“Well you would be working around my office for a while until we got better acquainted. After a couple weeks, I am going to give you some more responsibility, and ill pay you more by then as well. I’ll give you a car then as well. What do you think? Ready to leave the crappy life you’ve lived and join the land of the living?”

I looked down in silence.

“I have to think about it.”

A Special Thank You with Deep Sincerity

(At a Networking Party for Actors and people in the industry. Portland Or)

I wanted to thank everyone for being such a support for me this year. There were a lot of changes happening this year that made my life grow as well as make me more conscience of my surrounding. So thanks to a good friends idea, I'm going to swipe it from him and give you a brief rundown of my 2010:

Since I dont remember a lot, this is the highlights. Thank you all for truly being there for me. Your all so special to me.

(2010 John Baltzar)

• In the beginning of the year, things weren't so good. I was dealing with a lot of personal issues as well as depression. Fighting tooth and nail through my journey through therapy, I was able to begin to establish who I was as a person.
• My Bucket list started losing things off of it. I wrote a short story that I was able to send to a publisher. Also I wrote my first screenplay.
• I wrote and directed my first short film. It premiered at the Hollywood theater in December
• I fell in love with one of the most interesting people I have ever met. We broke up 3 and a half months later, and I don't regret a day. On the same note, earlier this year I also learned to love myself.
• I made some amazing new friends as well as met some famous individuals. I am truly blessed.
• I decided this year to start writing a blog. At first it was for personal venting but then i began to write movie reviews, and it became my poison. I went from one subscriber to now twelve, and I am very happy about that.
• I began to market myself better on Facebook adding a "fan page" to my Facebook. Again reaching almost 60 fans on the page and its growing!! P.S. if you haven't already please "share" me on your Facebooks and "like me." Thank you!
• I had some amazing photography shoots including some with a good friend named John Baltzar and others, like wainwright photography. Thanks Guys!
• Finally I got the chance to be a part of a networking event in Portland Oregon, where people in the entertainment business got together to meet people from the community. What a treat.
• I was in five films this year including an indie film called "The Innocent."

Thank You all again!

(2010 John Baltzar)