Millionaire Man (Part Ten)

Millionaire Man (Part Ten)

Wilfred and I spent more time together, five days a week, just like any other job. I never had to make food for him, or
do any chores, he just needed the company. Wilfred hated being alone, so every day I tried to keep me with him as
long as he could. I felt like crawling away from him sometimes given the way he kept me there.

His home told a story, with pictures that aligned his hallways and living room. Each picture was represented with
Wilfred and the life he made. Each picture, each knick knack, each piece of furniture was a memory that Wilfred
kept, like a secret he would only reveal to those worthy.

It always felt difficult getting a word in with Wilfred and it became frustrating for me sometimes. His life was beautiful,
there was no doubt about it, but it seemed isolated and distant from what was going on in the world. It almost
reminded me of how I felt about myself and the world. My emotions were synced with the same philosophies as his,
so it made me want to capture everything he was saying. He was smart and intelligent, and was not bad to look at
either.

We would talk about who would be the next presidential candidates in two years, to the far off illusions of alternative
medicine. I would listen, acknowledge and form my own opinion based on the information. As much as Wilfred
talked, even if I did not get a word in, it was ok with me.

From a distance I could see myself grow with Wilfred. As the weeks pushed together to form our friendship, I began
to feel guilty accepting Sam’s money for spending time with Wilfred. I felt smarter being around him, and more alive.

“Cory, what are you going to do with yourself?” Wilfred said, interrupting my thoughts one Friday afternoon. “Work”
as I still had a hard time calling it, was almost over. I picked up my sandwich, and began chewing as I pondered
Wilfred’s rhetorical comment.

“What do you mean?” I mumbled. Wilfred stared at me in a daze, smiling slowly, and resisting the instinct to look
down at his tea. Wilfred sighed but still stayed confident.

“Cory, after Sam dies, where are you going to go?” Wilfred continued to be insistent in waiting for my answer. I
shrugged my shoulders, and sighed. “Well I am guessing that I will probably just try to save enough money so that I’ll
be ok for a while.”

Wilfred got up and sat close to me, invading my personal bubble and halting my chewing. “I’m not going to lie to you
my friend, I like you.”

Wilfred scooted closer, his gazes frightened me, yet I showed no emotion on the outside. Wilfred took his hand and
gently laid it on my leg as he smiled.

“Cory, I could, would be your friend long after Sam is gone. I don’t know if you know that the average person is lucky
to have three close friends for the rest of their lives. I could be one of those people. As Wilfred’s hand got closer to
my crotch, the more I slowly pulled away.

“Look, all this talking about death is making me uncomfortable,” I said watching Wilfred move his hand further, “ I
figured when my time comes, my time will come and I like to leave it like that. I am sure Sam feels the same way.”
Wilfred looked at his hand as it neared the top of my leg. I shivered and stood up looking at my watch.

“Hey it’s already 4:30, time to head out. I’ll see you next week W,” I swiftly said, rushing out the door. My heart
pounded as I shut the door of my Audi. I did not know what to think or how to feel. I have never been with a man, hell
I’ve never been with a woman. I was so focused on the only woman in my life, my mother that I never paid attention
to any girl or guy that walked passed me. As my car pulled away and toward my apartment, I could only consider
what would happen if I liked Wilfred that way. I am still trying to figure out if I like Amanda, or if I just want to push her
away because she makes me feel dependent on someone. Either way, this was not the way to start my weekend.

As I walked into the door, the noise of the TV and surround shook the apartment. Amanda was gone, and Jessie was
staring at me in 3D glasses.

“Hey,” he smiled, lowering the volume of the television. It was hard not to smile at Jessie, especially since his glasses
looked way too big for him. I sighed and dropped my head, plopping right next to Jessie where explosions took the
majority of the screen on TV. Jessie pulled back as if he could feel the heat of the explosion with his 3D glasses.

“Whoa,” he whispered, as the absence of being in the moment was still past him.

“Jessie, I have a problem,” I said out loud, hoping Jessie would just let me talk to him without him hearing me. Jessie
nodded, bouncing to the TV, and looking at me. I shrugged and started my fiasco of dealing with a man in love with
me.

“So I am supposed to be looking after this guy my boss assigned me too. I really like the guy, but I do not know if I
like, like the guy. I just think he is a really interesting guy and I really have a good time hanging around him.”

Jessie continues to bob his head, and shifting his attention between the television and myself. I begin to drift myself,
losing the context and the overall reason why I asked for Jessie’s advice, especially since he is not present most of
the time, so why would he be able to help?

“Damn Ryan Gosling is hot…I mean he was juicy in The Notebook, but man, “Drive” takes the cake, dude, are you
watching this?” Jessie stared at me for an urgent reaction. I just started back.

“You’re gay?” I said shocked.

“I’m Bisexual when I’m drunk, because I love boobs,” Jesse giggles thinking about the thought, “but yea I’m homo-
sex-ual.”

“How did I not know this about you?” I murmured.

“Maybe because you have a stick so far up your ass that you only pay attention to you,” Jessie once again
smiled, “Or we never hang out, one of the two are true.”

“So…you are the perfect person to ask!” I said, shocked that it took me this long to come to this solution.

“How do you know?” I mumbled. Jessie sighed, “You just know Cory, my man. Are you attracted to guys or girls? It is
that simple.”

“Well I like woman, but I do not find them very attractive, yet I am still not really attracted to guys either, I’m so
confused.” Jessie laughed, and turned to me, leaving a condescending look behind.

“Alright, promise you will not kick me out?” He laughed.

“I’ve been trying to get you two out forever, so I give up.”

“Good,” Jessie said leaning into me. My eyes widened as he kissed my lips, pressing softly so as not to overwhelm
me. He took one hand and reached behind my head, leaning me into the couch. I felt the weight of his body take
the place of my reservations. As we kissed I felt the emotion that was meant to be, like the electricity throughout my
body. Jesse’s pot breath was worth putting up with as I took my hand and explored his body. I was surprised to feel a
body that was firm, especially since I had never seen Jesse work out.

As my hand found Jesse, Jesse unbuttoned my shirt, kissing my neck, and kicking off his shoes. As he opened my
shirt he did not stop kissing me until he reached my belly button. I smiled, feeling all the energy that once avoided
the situation, was used now to feel every touch. Jesse took my shirt, throwing both of ours off the couch and onto the
ground. He sat up and laid his hand on my leg, taking a couple sighs of relief.

“Dude I think your gay.”

Its Been Awhile...Since I just wrote to you... Its my 2010 review of my year:)

                                          (Caroline and I at "The Innocent" Premiere)

Did I tell you how long its been since we talked? I know I have really abandoned you and I think that has really affected my writing. I apologize, its been a crazy few months, and I know that isn't an excuse. Its weird I just happend to go online and look for something in this blog that I wanted to just take and I ended up realizing that I am so much better at this blog, writing, less video, so here we are.

 There is so much that happend this year starting with that I realized that I have really abandoned the one person I have been dating for about 26 years, and thats myself. So I spent a lot of time with myself. I really got to know a lot about me, which i always though was so silly. Like, why spend time with yourself? Life to short to be by yourself, and you know what? The more I did the more I grew to really love myself.

Throughout the year I really was about to get back to trusting myself, and trusting the people around me. You know what really surprised me though? Caroline, one of my best friends. Its hard to believe that someone I have underestimated has done everything to make my life easier. Challanging, but still there. I have so much to thank her for. Lexi was the othere person that just to this day blows me away with kindness. I am so thankful. Without Caroline, AGA FILMS couldn't have been what it is today.

This year I made three short films, all intertwined into a story of a woman just looking for love called "First Date." While I want to say I took the characters out of thin air, I really took them from myself and my best friends. First Date started with me writing down idea's on the back of an envelope, with a pen about to run out of ink. In the end, I wrote my first production, and by November, My films were shot, and in the editing room.

I feel like I am ready to live by myself. I have yet to do that. I have always lived with someone else, and I think that type of dependence is something that I have held onto forever, and needs to change.

I feel like if i would look back at my life a four years ago, I would has seen my life in defeat, but its not the case today. There is so many beauitiful things that have just came into my life in so many ways. I am here, and fighting, like I always do. I become this stubborn, frustrated individual until the "processing happens" then all of a sudden, I realize where I am and I'm back again.

"Millionaire Man" is taking way longer then I expected. As we speak I am trying to think of ideas to keep it on track.Wish me luck, because I am going to jump right back into it again.

2012 has been fortold as something destructive, but i look at it as a time to grow, to thrive, and a time to love. To love those around you, but also to love youself.

The change of winds are so new and fresh, yet embracing. I look forward to such a challange.