Millionaire Man (Part Five)
Some people lose there way whether its drugs, alcohol, or people. Association with these people destroys the frail morality that we believe is our own. At the same time though, positive influences can make things feel like normal. I have lost myself in so many ways but with Amanda and Jesse by my side, I felt right. Things were ok with them around and I was losing my stubborn ego to my new found companions. Nonetheless, I could never get past any self mutilating ideas past them without being swiftly silenced.
It was now Monday morning, the worst day of the week. Nothing kills me like a morning with stress pockets under my eyes and an uninhibited hangover from life. It was another day with the same life I hated and the same damn responsibilities even with some recent positive changes.
Amanda and Jesse slept in my bed with me and wouldn’t let me leave their sight. So I yawned, and stretched. I look back briefly to see the two laying quietly. As I pulled up my jeans, I saw Amanda probe my body with her eyes. I gazed back with a lashing glare. Her green eyes watched me without a stir until she noticed my mirrored reaction to her.
“Well,” I said. “I’m going to work, so can you guys get out of my bed?” Amanda kept looking at me, but said nothing. “Ok, um, I guess ill be back later.”
“Don’t try to off yourself while you’re gone,” Amanda said. Her tone was deathly serious, yet uninviting insensitive, “Because I will find you and god help me that doesn’t happen, because in hell, there isn’t any rules punk.”
“Look why do either of you guys care?” I snapped, “You two come walking in like you know me, sleep with me and put me on house arrest as if you can. Who the hell do you think you are?” Amanda hesitated briefly to catch a tear, and then looked back in anger. “Maybe your life doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to us. You have no idea what you’ve lost until you don’t have it. So fuck your self righteous attitude punk, and fuck you. You think you know us? You have no idea.” Amanda looked away from me in anger and embarrassment. She was embarrassed that she had told me too much about her life before she wanted to.
“We will be waiting here for you, when you come back.” She said indignity.
I shut the door leaving Jesse and Amanda behind. “Somebody cares about me?” I said to in my mind, “They must be lying. They have to be.” My mind wandered aimlessly across the day. I tried to focus, but I couldn’t hang on to one thing during the day. I wanted to be happy or sad or anything that would calm my mind. At least when I was suicidal I felt like I could make a committed decision to something. Instead though I went about my day in irritation and confused mixed feelings about two stoned good Samaritans.
When I got home, sudden changes were made in my home. The bathroom no longer was full of mold and calcium. The entire house was spotless, and new furniture was moved in. The smell of pot left a lingering after effect to the work that was done to the place.
I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to be mad but the love of the work done was intoxicating. Amanda walked in and smiled. “Hey,” she calmly said. “I know you don’t know me, or Jesse, but we knew someone like you, and we did nothing to help them. We made fun of them and did a lot of shit to him. Then the guy died and we could have prevented it and we didn’t. You’re our second chance.”
Amanda then sat me down, and told me the story of the worst day of the two Samaritans life. When she had finished, I looked at the two of them with nothing to respond to.
“Well I don’t need help, and you aren’t making fun of me. Thank you for everything, but I know what I want.” I walked into my room and shut the door. I could hear Amanda and Jesse whispering, and after a while later giggling in sued. On the outside it seemed like the most perfect night. But I just wanted to mess the place up all over again, just out of spite of them using me for their redemption.
The Next day at work, the man in the black suit walked in and smiled once again at me. “How is my depressed pizza boy today?” He winked. I shrugged, “You know the same,”
“Well,” He said sitting up straight, “I have a proposition for you….”
