Beach Say What?

Well What can i say about the last few days? A few months ago I would be one of those people looking for attention where I could get it. Anything to promote myself so i could seem fulfilled. But in the recent months, I have changed. I took an interest in myself and started to workout. I focused on my better qualities and pushed myself at the gym. The more I grew emotionally, the more I felt better about myself. The gym helped greatly too. The stresses of the day were channeled away using the weights.

Last weekend I saw a change at the bar as well. Looks were apparent, and My quiet presence at the bar was awoken by passing glances. As much as it felt good to feel noticed, it was even better to be happy myself. I could have walked into the bar and not gotten a glance and still be totally happy of all the work I've done. As much as i look through this weekend, i am still not sure whether I am ready for a relationship or not. I thought i was, but maybe time will tell.

Therapy was progressive today. I am enjoying it in a sadistic way. I get angry and react to what is being set, until i can process the feeling, or situation and grow from it.

My Patient roommate is yet again my hero, talking through our problems and working with me to succeed with everything i need. I love You girl! You have done nothing less then what family would do. Thank You. Our Beach Trip was fantastic. I felt like a kid again with my best friend. We spent the day climbing wet rocks and avoiding icy salt water. PS. The Water won in our dry fight every time. Afterward we took pics galore of the ocean and plant life. I think this had to be one of my favorite days in a long time.

So this week is about practicing for another audition for Jason Hawkins!

Thats all For Now...See You In the Movies! :)

So Much News!

So good news! I got a haircut! For anyone else, this is not very exciting, but for me, its been a real long time since i cut it so this was a good thing.

I know its been awhile since i have written but i had a lot on my mind. First off, i still don't know how i feel about relationships. There are interesting people in my life, and i like them, but right now, i don't know what to think. So we will leave that be for now.

This weekend was the premiere of "Roomies." This is one of my favorite pieces of work i have done for a long time. It was fun. Although we didn't win the actual competition, it was a blast. Thanks again to the cast and Jason Hawkins. I can't wait to continue to work with everyone.

The new job is amazing. Its nothing but fun and i can't wait every time i work.

Everyday i'm alive i continue to grow as a person. I see myself as a strong person, but now i notice my vulnerability and my more timid side. This is going to help me in the future.

My Callback went well. I was against one other person so i am crossing my fingers.

Jason has a feature length film coming up so I am on to practicing again a script. The good news is that i am ready to wow. I can't wait to audition.

Well Thats all For Now, See You In The Movies:)

When things Just Go Right...

(GDP Photography)

1 Audition Monday, 1 callback on May 16th, the most amazing roomie, you can find, a Job thats hard to hate, and a bundle of trusting friends. Its hard to look back at all the rough times when things are going the right way, or its a bad case of a sugar high, one of the two.

In the last couple days i have been on a streak of good luck. This is a good feeling, but i have also decided to not jump into the pool of "fantasy Optimism" just yet. Its going to be a long way to get where i need to be and I know this. However the real optimism that i crave right now is overshadowed by the lessons i have already learned.

Moreover in the last couple days, Love has been on my mind. No not sex, love. With all the hate in this world, there isn't enough love, or is there? I think that this should be true, but the truth is, there is so much love in this world, its just hidden. If we shared love more openly to each other, do you think love would lose its luster, or would this scary emotion be the "sugar" we need to swallow its goodness?

I used to write about my excuses for relationship failures. Now i see that they were lessons. I love the people i dated(most of them) but they all taught me the biggest lessons. Growing never Felt so Good:)

(Christian Mcpherson Photography)

Well thats all for now, See you In the Movies:)

With A Little Help From My Friends...

(GDP Photography)

So What can i say for the last few days? Well a lot. I found a Job, thats the good news. Its a small ice creamery located near me which is good news. No Luck on finding a home yet but i am soon to find one.

I almost moved in with my friend from a previous film, but unfortunately it didn't pan out and it is very frustrating. I don't know what to do about a place and i feel when i asked for help from my friends, they reached out but i wasn't able to accept their kindness. Thank you you two.

So the search continues...

(Jordan Watkins Pictured. On the Set of "Bloodlust" Directed By Gabriel Matreya)

I am starting to stress about my upcoming audition May 16th. I don't really know right at this moment except for i know that this one is paid and I again have a call back. I read through my lines once again hoping to form my character(Method style lol) and I seem to fall short. I know with the right practice and a kick in the pants, this won't be a problem.

I will keep you updated.

I want to talk about long distance relationships right now. A friend is a wonderful thing to have long distance. In fact, one of my closest best friend who I have know for over 8 years started out as a pen pal, and now, i don't go a day without thinking of him. But i digress. I have had a couple of people i have been interested in come from out of state. My needs aren't met even as friends so it makes me want to walk away from them altogether. But when we talk, its like nothing has changed and we are friends again. Am I just a needy sob looking for attention in the wrong places? Probably, I'm an actor always looking for attention.

Therapy has gotten a lot better. I feel that i am really learning a great deal from the man and that makes me warm inside. I wanted to question everything he does, but now i know that there is no reason to. Like Dancing with The Stars Judge say:"Put Up and Shut Up."

So as Summer comes and the two to three projects opening up in the summer, I can only smell the pleasant summer smells of what is to come...

Thats all For Now...See You In the Movies:)