“It’s not every day that I meet someone like you,” Sam began, “someone who honest, hardworking, and loyal. For the last few years, I really thought I couldn’t find someone with all of that attached. But then a man by the name of Wilfred came into your pizza shop. Do you remember Wilfred?”
“No, I mean, there are lots of people who are regulars who used to come into the shop, but unless they had a credit card, I didn’t really ask their name or anything. It’s really none of my business. “
Sam laughed, “Well Wilfred has been known to change his name on people anyway, so good luck trying to figure him out. You stood out though, Wilfred and I were talking and he couldn’t stop talking about how friendly you were. “
“Well, I work in customer service, I have to be friendly.”
“But you see,” Sam said, “Wilfred never talks about anyone. He is known to talk politics, or even ideas, never gossip about some individual.”
I am not really sure what all of this had to do about my job, or the new proposition, but I was intrigued. Finally the money was coming into my new apartment, and I was feeling steady. Moreover this proposition was feeling more like a promotion, and I was all for that.
The pain of loss was less, and my stinging stain for approval was now filling the void that was once hurt. I felt like the more I did for Sam the more I felt acknowledged, and the less I needed to care about my own feelings. So, maybe with the help of Wilfred I could get closer to Sam.
Sam smiled as he saw the gears ticking in my brain. He knew he had me the second he assured me of a raise, more responsibility and a change from the everyday lull of work.
“Here are the directions, I want you to go see him, and talk with him. See if you two click.” Sam suggested.
“Wait what do you mean, click?” I said, “I’m not gay, well, not that I know of.” Sam leaned in to me and shuffled my hair. “Who said anything about gay, man, I got plans for you two. Consider it a domestic partnership.”
I was uninhibited at Sam’s reply, but I couldn’t let him down. After I printed off online directions, I left with diligence to Wilfred’s house. I was exuberant and determined to make yet another excellent impression as one of Sam’s favorite employee’s.
Pulling up to the green one story house and leaving all prejudices behind, I parked just inches from the curb in my Audi. Perfection was turning into a habit for me.
I walked up hastily to the door, with small bits of nervousness in me. It’s never been me to walk up to a stranger and get to know them. I’ve never been the kind of person that makes decisions like what I am doing right now. But I have been doing a lot of things I am not used to.
My knock on the door was no louder than the tap of a woodpecker, and still footsteps heard my call. The floor creaked as footprints muddled the old floor. I heard a cough and a sniffle as the footsteps approached. The door lock unlocked and the door opened quietly. The man in the shadow appeared gently.
Wilfred, alone in the cold darkness that was his home pulled his unconscious resistance, peering only to see me in his slit of view through the door. “Yes?” Wilfred mumbled. I could see his nervous exposure to a rare stranger visiting him, like the first day of school to a kindergartener.
“Mr. Wilfred? Sam sent me over…I’m Cory. “Wilfred looked at me slowly, then his eyes widened.
“From, from the pizza shop, like with the broken light on the sign?” Wilfred moved closer to me as the door widened. I looked at him smiling and nodding, only remembering the monogamy that was my life. Wilfred smiled back with excitement, opening his door to me.
“Come in come in! I can’t believe Sam found you!”
“What do you mean “found me?’” I said cautiously, taking a step back.
“Oh never mind that, come on in, come on in we have so much to talk about.”
Wilfred took me to the living room and had me sit at his green couch with stains on it. He was nervous, that’s for sure, but I wasn’t. His nervousness enabled my confidence immediately. I figured a guy this nervous has nothing going for him, which liberated my own insecurities. Wilfred walked into his kitchen, stumbling through old garbage spread across the ground. The home was covered with laundry and old garbage, lining the walls and countertops.
Soon enough, he returned with hot tea, and sat down across from me. The steam whisked away from the cup as Wilfred sipped his cup. The wrinkles from his face squeezed as the heat grazed his face. He was looking away like philosophical monk, and then turned back to me. I looked away, but kept him in my peripheral vision. He began to speak in codes, like a teacher trying to force his students to learn.
“In the heat of any moment, I find myself dazing over my life,” Wilfred started, “I was hoping I can find a solution or a cure to my loneliness. I feel like I find it when I am around my friends. But for some reason, I am still lost. Do you know what I mean or is this making no sense to you?”
I looked at Wilfred’s worn face, and smiled weakly in a tone of unsettling darkness looming over my nervousness. I pulled my thinking back to express his unhappiness in a realistic way.
“I understand being lonely I guess, “I said, “I guess I never looked for a cure or solution to it though. I always thought that if you persisted at life, you could get anything you wanted.”
Wilfred paused, for he was looking for some rhetoric answer, not some realistic response to his Buddha philosophy, even if I tried to even out his own wit. Instead, in a way I stifled his way of bragging about his own intelligence. Wilfred put his cup down and leaned back. He smiled for a moment and stared back at me.
“I like you,” He said, almost blushing, yet his aggravation was still showing. He looked down for a moment to restrain his own emotions, and then smiled at the thought of my efforts.
“So, you like working for Sam?” Wilfred continued, sipping his hot tea, gently pursing his lips to the tip of the cup. I awkwardly looked back for a moment, but continued.
“I do, I really do. He has been a father to me since I met him,” I sighed, looking back at the last couple months, “He has been very generous, and I still can’t believe everything he has done for me. He has me a car, a stable income, hell I feel dependent on him even for my happiness. I don’t know if you can understand that, but I don’t know where I would be without him.”
“Well Sam, is known to be a provider, that’s for sure. I remember first meeting him. That man had a way about himself, the way he always was the first to buy the beers, the first to be there when someone was in need, but it wasn’t real. I learned that way too late, and now look at me,” Wilfred looked down, laughing at his potbelly and overgrown whiskers. His eyes grew more concentration as he stared at me, “ I would be careful of him. I can’t imagine why he is putting so much effort into getting your attention and approval, but knowing him, we will find out soon enough.”
Wilfred began to daze away from our conversation soon after and soon enough fell asleep after his tea. I kept the TV on, as I let myself out. Wilfred didn’t look healthy, yet at the same time, I had trouble believing what he said about Sam. Sam was more than a friend, he was family. I wanted, I needed to feel secure for once, and this was not helping. My only hope was that Wilfred was losing himself, and I wasn’t losing my support.
