I got Lucky:)

(Pride 2010)

Well i am going to say it...it really hard to believe i am in a relationship. I say this not because i'm not happy but because i was so comfortable being single. Ill be honest, i kinda like myself a lot. Its true! So to be able to share me with someone else and really like the person just like i like me is wonderful.

OK so i'm coming off conceded but if you want a healthy relationship you have to start out not looking for it. I think another one is to date yourself for a while. Get to know what you like about you, and what you don't like about you. If you have more cons then pros about yourself, its time take a break from looking for someone else. Because you need to appreciate what you do for yourself before you can have someone else appreciate. Its the "emergency on an airplane" method. You have to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Don't be a hero, help you, then find your special man. (PS this advice is also good for women)

So let me tell you about the Josh. Wow where do i start. He is sexy, smart, funny and my better half. He respects my insecurities and accepts my faults. He has this dominance about himself that is neither intimidating nor irritating and i love that about him. I see him long term:)

(Josh:))

So moving on to a new topic, but honestly, i am so lucky to have Josh in my life.

After my tenth audition with a special big budget series here in Oregon, i only hope for sunshine with it. I know eventually i will get something, but got to keep my faith alive.

Recently i was casted in a 24 hour film racing contest as a lead character. I played a scared, character that didn't have a lot confidence but still wanted to be positive. It was definitely a blessing to work with the director and reworking with producer Mark.

In August I plan on working with them again for a 48 hour film racing contest.

Thats all for now...See you in the movies:)

Homophobia in the Gay Community...and other fine tidbits

Prejudice is an emotion that won't stop the earth from spinning, but hate can and prejudice is just a gateway to hate. The world isn't perfect, we all know this, but we can change so much about how we treat each other especially our own community. I know when i came out of the closet, i lost not only my friends but my family. the Gay community was and is my family and support system next to the couple of people I rely on as close personal support. I can only imagine the people who solely rely on the gay community for guidance and support.

We all leave a life full of hate and prejudice, whether it is family or some of the public, but isn't ironic that as a community we are willing to be just as hateful toward certain people in the community, such as flaming gays or drag queens? We look at most of them like they are our gay comedians. In fact one gay once said," man i wish they would just not be crazy open about it. " My friends, there is something very wrong with that statement. The more we look each other with the same hate we were thrown, the less mature we all will grow. If we can learn to accept each other for what we can give each other, we can accept everything about ourselves...

Ok, enough of that rant, so I got the chance to go to my old roomies bday party and it was a blast. I haven't had that much fun in forever. So fun! I am also looking forward to a photo shoot in july where i will play a young character from the cast of "Gilligan's Island." Also My good friend Mark is producing a 24 hour film I plan on working with him on.

Well after my rant, Im Tired. But I would like to announce my new short story i have begun called "Millionaire Man."

Well thats all for now! See you in the Movies:)

Integrity Vs Manipulation

I have spent the last couple weeks working on me. Therapy is for that granted, but sometimes you have to just sit down and breathe a little bit and enjoy the current surroundings. I look at my life and realize there is so much wrong with manipulating people into what you want them to believe. Contrary to the general census of people, we all expect to look at each other like we did something wrong, when in fact most of us are good wholesome people.

I can't help thinking that even as an actor, i am still trying to manipulate people. Obviously in the beginning i want that, Because i want them to think i am the character they see on television or Film. But as an individual of integrity i don't think its fair to not admit that I'm gay. By the time I reach the big budget films, this kind of thing wont matter but right now it does, so for my own sanity, that is my answer. So yes, there is a "Human Rights" sticker on the back of my car now and will stay there. I would rather be a man of integrity and not manipulation.

So on another note, I know I talk about my friends like they are gifts from heaven, but they are.

Tonight i was at my friend Nikki's Singing competition. Nikki is also a fellow actor as well as an amazing singer. To see him on stage only made me want to get up and start performing as well. I think that is the difference between an actor and an aspiring individual. We all may want it but the truth is how much.

2 auditions and now a callback has me all excited again. I really love doing this and the way i performed today has no reason to doubt how acting makes me feel. Although the call back was for a paranoid meth addict, I still soaked up every minute. I can't wait to see how the other one turned out.

Anywho, thats all for now. See you in the Movies:)

Beach Say What?

Well What can i say about the last few days? A few months ago I would be one of those people looking for attention where I could get it. Anything to promote myself so i could seem fulfilled. But in the recent months, I have changed. I took an interest in myself and started to workout. I focused on my better qualities and pushed myself at the gym. The more I grew emotionally, the more I felt better about myself. The gym helped greatly too. The stresses of the day were channeled away using the weights.

Last weekend I saw a change at the bar as well. Looks were apparent, and My quiet presence at the bar was awoken by passing glances. As much as it felt good to feel noticed, it was even better to be happy myself. I could have walked into the bar and not gotten a glance and still be totally happy of all the work I've done. As much as i look through this weekend, i am still not sure whether I am ready for a relationship or not. I thought i was, but maybe time will tell.

Therapy was progressive today. I am enjoying it in a sadistic way. I get angry and react to what is being set, until i can process the feeling, or situation and grow from it.

My Patient roommate is yet again my hero, talking through our problems and working with me to succeed with everything i need. I love You girl! You have done nothing less then what family would do. Thank You. Our Beach Trip was fantastic. I felt like a kid again with my best friend. We spent the day climbing wet rocks and avoiding icy salt water. PS. The Water won in our dry fight every time. Afterward we took pics galore of the ocean and plant life. I think this had to be one of my favorite days in a long time.

So this week is about practicing for another audition for Jason Hawkins!

Thats all For Now...See You In the Movies! :)

So Much News!

So good news! I got a haircut! For anyone else, this is not very exciting, but for me, its been a real long time since i cut it so this was a good thing.

I know its been awhile since i have written but i had a lot on my mind. First off, i still don't know how i feel about relationships. There are interesting people in my life, and i like them, but right now, i don't know what to think. So we will leave that be for now.

This weekend was the premiere of "Roomies." This is one of my favorite pieces of work i have done for a long time. It was fun. Although we didn't win the actual competition, it was a blast. Thanks again to the cast and Jason Hawkins. I can't wait to continue to work with everyone.

The new job is amazing. Its nothing but fun and i can't wait every time i work.

Everyday i'm alive i continue to grow as a person. I see myself as a strong person, but now i notice my vulnerability and my more timid side. This is going to help me in the future.

My Callback went well. I was against one other person so i am crossing my fingers.

Jason has a feature length film coming up so I am on to practicing again a script. The good news is that i am ready to wow. I can't wait to audition.

Well Thats all For Now, See You In The Movies:)

When things Just Go Right...

(GDP Photography)

1 Audition Monday, 1 callback on May 16th, the most amazing roomie, you can find, a Job thats hard to hate, and a bundle of trusting friends. Its hard to look back at all the rough times when things are going the right way, or its a bad case of a sugar high, one of the two.

In the last couple days i have been on a streak of good luck. This is a good feeling, but i have also decided to not jump into the pool of "fantasy Optimism" just yet. Its going to be a long way to get where i need to be and I know this. However the real optimism that i crave right now is overshadowed by the lessons i have already learned.

Moreover in the last couple days, Love has been on my mind. No not sex, love. With all the hate in this world, there isn't enough love, or is there? I think that this should be true, but the truth is, there is so much love in this world, its just hidden. If we shared love more openly to each other, do you think love would lose its luster, or would this scary emotion be the "sugar" we need to swallow its goodness?

I used to write about my excuses for relationship failures. Now i see that they were lessons. I love the people i dated(most of them) but they all taught me the biggest lessons. Growing never Felt so Good:)

(Christian Mcpherson Photography)

Well thats all for now, See you In the Movies:)

With A Little Help From My Friends...

(GDP Photography)

So What can i say for the last few days? Well a lot. I found a Job, thats the good news. Its a small ice creamery located near me which is good news. No Luck on finding a home yet but i am soon to find one.

I almost moved in with my friend from a previous film, but unfortunately it didn't pan out and it is very frustrating. I don't know what to do about a place and i feel when i asked for help from my friends, they reached out but i wasn't able to accept their kindness. Thank you you two.

So the search continues...

(Jordan Watkins Pictured. On the Set of "Bloodlust" Directed By Gabriel Matreya)

I am starting to stress about my upcoming audition May 16th. I don't really know right at this moment except for i know that this one is paid and I again have a call back. I read through my lines once again hoping to form my character(Method style lol) and I seem to fall short. I know with the right practice and a kick in the pants, this won't be a problem.

I will keep you updated.

I want to talk about long distance relationships right now. A friend is a wonderful thing to have long distance. In fact, one of my closest best friend who I have know for over 8 years started out as a pen pal, and now, i don't go a day without thinking of him. But i digress. I have had a couple of people i have been interested in come from out of state. My needs aren't met even as friends so it makes me want to walk away from them altogether. But when we talk, its like nothing has changed and we are friends again. Am I just a needy sob looking for attention in the wrong places? Probably, I'm an actor always looking for attention.

Therapy has gotten a lot better. I feel that i am really learning a great deal from the man and that makes me warm inside. I wanted to question everything he does, but now i know that there is no reason to. Like Dancing with The Stars Judge say:"Put Up and Shut Up."

So as Summer comes and the two to three projects opening up in the summer, I can only smell the pleasant summer smells of what is to come...

Thats all For Now...See You In the Movies:)